Dead Cant Rant

From a totally unrelated article by Mark comes something we never knew before now: the truth about Breastgate:

The war aside, this AG has been swimming in bad raps. Maybe the baddest of them all has been Breastgate. Surely you are familiar with the statues that live in the Great Hall of the Justice Department: the Spirit of Justice (a lady) and the Majesty of Law (a gent). (Spirit has a nickname, by the way: Minnie Lou.) Because these statues are partially nude, they are noticed only during conservative Republican administrations. Minnie Lou and her one exposed breast became famous when photographers gleefully took their picture with Ed Meese, as he announced President Reagan’s report on pornography back in the mid 1980s. The presence of the Breast was thought to have “stepped on” the administration’s “message.” Washington liberals are still yukking about that one today.

The Breast was pretty quiet during the eight years of Janet Reno. As one peeved administration official puts it, “No cameraman was ever at Reno’s feet, trying to get a shot of her with that thing.” But Minnie Lou’s outstanding feature stormed back with Ashcroft. When President Bush visited the Justice Department to rededicate the building to Robert Kennedy, his advance men insisted on a nice blue backdrop: “TV blue,” infinitely preferable to the usual dingy background of the Great Hall. Everyone thought the backdrop worked nicely — made for “good visuals,” as they say. This was Deaverism, pure and simple. Ashcroft’s people intended to keep using it.

An advance woman on his team had the bright idea of buying the backdrop: It would be cheaper than renting it repeatedly. So she did — without Ashcroft’s knowledge, without his permission, without his caring, everyone in the department insists.

But ABC put out the story that Ashcroft, the old prude, had wanted the Breast covered up, so much did it offend his churchly sensibilities. New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd, ever clever, wrote that Ashcroft had forced a “blue burka” on Minnie Lou. Comedians had a field day (and are still having it). The Washington Post has devoted great space to the story, letting Cher, for example, tee off on it — as she went on to do on David Letterman’s show.

And yet the story is complete and total bunk. First, Ashcroft had nothing to do with the purchase of the backdrop. Second, the backdrop had nothing to do with Breast aversion. But the story was just “too good to check,” as we say, and it will probably live forever. Generations from now, if we’re reading about John Ashcroft, we will read that he was the boob who draped the Boob. The story is ineffaceable.